You know that feeling one gets when things are just to much to handle. That feeling like you just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I have that feel often, I wish I didn’t but I do. It’s almost like your body has taken to much and it goes numb. Or when you get to crying and your crying so hard that you can’t breath. I get like that as well, mixed with a panic attack.
For as long as I can remember I have always kept things bottled up in side. I’m not the type of person to sit down with someone and talk about what’s going on in my head or my heart. I have always been better at writing it down and sending it out. I’m not big on conflict, I never have been. I much rather think about it and write how I feel. Although I haven’t been doing much writing lately, and I need to start doing it everyday again.
I’m the type of person to say I’m ok when really I’m not. Not in the slightest bit. I think this stuff started when my mom and real dad divorced and my step dad came in the picture so fast. It was all so crazy and happened so fast. I didn’t really have time to process anything. So I sit here with a guy that doesn’t really know me and expect him to take care of me. Things in the house are fine. But I think it would be better for me to get out and get away.
Although things aren’t what I want them to be I should be thankful. I have people who I hope love me and believe in me. And I guy who says he would love to marry me. I just need to get in a good state of mind and stay there.
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